Melancholia
by Honest Hemingway
Summary: It's not all that bad being at the bottom of the social ladder, it gives me a view when someone tries to climb down from the top. (One shot friendship fic).


**Melancholia**

**Author's Note: **Yo, I'm back after a month's long hiatus and for those who don't know me, hello! This is my first foray into DDLC and always wanted to submit my own story, so consider this my first DDLC fanfic. I hope you guys enjoy, its un-beta'd (as I usually do) so all mistakes are that of my own and like I always say: I own nothing.

Note: This fic takes place in a pretty normal world, no 4th wall breaking, no surreal horror no anything, I've always wanted to write a normal DDLC story (like an typical slice -of-life highschool anime) and do plan on writing more based on that prompt, so tell me what you think.

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People often said I had an unattractive face, can't say I blame them really, its not like I was the most handsome person to ever set foot in this school, by the rate of my looks I would rate myself as a so/so. Often, they say I had horrible eyes, even associating it with that of a dead fish and would often stay away. While many say it's my personality, I was too pessimistic, too cynical, too negative etc., in the end it resulted into one thing: I was a rotten person.

I'm a loner by many people's standard, and even my own, the bottom of the social ladder and someone who would never fit in. But its not like I wanted to really, what benefits would I gain if I had "fit in"? More friends? Not like I want some really, lesser the friends the better, it means I wouldn't get caught up in too many dramas, too many conflicts, too many commitments and would ultimately lead to ruin by the time spring rolls and we drift apart. It's not all that bad being at the bottom of the social ladder, it gives me a view when someone tries to climb down from the top.

"Hey, the weather's been getting really cold lately", my would-be companion beside me noted as she stared up at the blue abyss of a cloudless sky.

"Must mean winter already rolling in", I answered her as I took another sip of my drink.

Monika merely smiled and nodded at my answer and we spent the next moment in silence.

It was weird really, to have her here sitting right beside me in the shade of the rooftop staring at the sky before us, seeing as we barely talked to each other outside the club room it was a strange occurrence, even for me, to have her spending her lunch time with me of all people.

"_Nice weather we're having right? Sun's up and bright"_

"_It is"_

It started as casual small talk I'd engage her in anytime we would run into each other in the hallway, at first, it was mostly trivial stuff like the weather or books and whatever she wanted to bring up.

"_So you've never tried it before? Getting your ears pierced?"_

_I gave her an odd look and shook my head, "No, I have no interest in mutilating my earlobes thank you very much"._

_She gave a small chuckle at my retort._

"_Must be a girl thing then", she muttered._

"_Must be"_

Then she began to ask me where I would spend my lunch, of course I didn't give her an honest answer, not wanting my sacred lunch spot to be somewhat smeared by another person's presence. But I guess the Gods of Luck rolled another ace for she wandered into the rooftop on lunch time, to find me in the shade of the building eating my lunch some weeks ago, honestly, I've lost count.

"_Say", I remember she said that day, and I turned my gaze to her as I watched as she pulled her knees closer to her and hug them, it was an adorable sight. "You ever liked someone before?"._

_I nearly spat out my drink by the shock of her question, but I swallowed it without choking. I recollected my bearings and I turned back to her, she watched me, the intensity of her eyes as they stared at me nearly sweat my palms._

"_Of course I did, I doubt there isn't someone on earth who hasn't liked someone", I replied, it was true, even a loner like myself developed feelings for someone in the past, even though the result only to disaster. _

"_Must be nice", she noted, a tone of a hollow appreciation in her voice. "To be liked by someone"._

_I titled my head in confusion at her words, "I'm sure there are some boys who like you, given on how many have confessed to you as it is"._

_But she answered it with a bitter snort, almost an angry retort of my assumption, but she merely rested her back on the concrete wall and blew away a stray piece of her on her face._

"_I've been confessed to yes, dozens of time even", she replied. "But none of them like me for who I am, they liked the achiever-me or the athletic-me, the me that wins debate competitions and greets everyone with a smile on her face"._

_I internally smirked at her words, "So you telling me the "you" everyone seems to love, is a sham?"._

_She looked at me, like she really looked at me, as if she tried to memorize every strand of hair and every inch of skin on my face, gauging the slightest twitch in my eye. If she could look at me she could practically see the way my heart began to hammer against my chest, if she could see me I bet she would be disgusted but she merely smiled._

"_Like you always say, everything's a sham"_

Though I would always regret ever uttering that phrase, it doesn't mean I don't hold any truth against it. It was true, everything is a sham, the minute we're born into this world all we're ever fed were lies of "hard work always pays off" or "you can achieve anything", only to have those dreams and aspirations be crushed by the harsh reality of life and all its disgusting facets. See the world as nothing more than an unforgiving and cruel master, and we, the hapless fool that would fall for all of it in a heartbeat. And so I've grown to be uncaring of it all, because once the world sees that your as apathetic as it is, it'll leave you alone.

"Final term exam must be coming soon", she said and broke me out of my revere.

I cringed at the thought of it, "Don't remind, already its ruining cut into my weeknight habits".

"Why?", she asked with a chuckling tone in her voice. "Can't stay up all night and play video games when exams are looming?".

"As a matter of fact", I retorted. "I can perfectly balance study and gaming, just, with it being the finals and all it means I have to double my efforts, meaning, no gaming for a few days".

"I know how that feels", she replied. "My parents are expecting me to ace all of my subjects".

"Are they now?", I wondered.

She nodded her head, "They said perfect grades meant a greater chance of getting into a good college".

"They're not wrong on that part", I commented.

"But good college for them means medical school"

"Ah"

"Which means they want me to be a doctor"

"You want to be a doctor?"

"That's what they expect of me, so, who knows"

The burden of expectation was a concept not lost on me, but, it was something I've never felt to be crushed under. For many others they view this as a good thing, which in retrospect, it is. If people have expectations of you it means they believe you in a deeper degree and put your achievements to a higher degree and once you do, they'll be happy for you. But for Monika, expectation was a burden, where failure meant the loss of everything. It was heavy, chocking almost to the point she'd seek comfort in a desolate rooftop with a loner like me.

She believed that if she could slip away and come up here, she could get away from it all. From the people who looked up to her, from parents who put so much on her, from boys who don't love her for who she is and a world that would crush her the minute she'll take a breather. This place could never be considered serene, but for her it was our little shared piece of heaven.

"You know you can always tell them you don't want to be a doctor", I advised her, seeing it as a means of easing her thoughts.

"As if I could ever say that", she replied, smiling bitterly to herself. "They'll just say 'well what do you want to be then?'".

"So, what do you want to be?", I asked.

"Hell I don't even know", she answered with an exasperated sigh. "Just know I don't want to be a doctor".

I leaned back against the wall, "That's gonna be a tough talk then".

"Yeah, but its gonna be long time coming", she said before letting out a tired sigh. "Let's change topic, its only getting me depressed".

I nodded at thought of something we can talk about next, "What's your take on – "

"You think we'd still be able to do this the same time next year?", she interrupted my question with one of her own, but it did throw me off, more on the fact she'd throw such a hard hitting question from the get go.

It took me a few moments before I could formulate my own answer, my thoughts already a jumbled mess as it is already on that topic. Since it was not something I delve too much into really, not really caring what tomorrow could bring and just enjoying the things I have now rather than worrying over whether or not they'll always be there.

"Who knows honestly, all I know its going to be a busy year for us once we become 3rd years", I answered and stole a glance at her, she merely stared at the line where the sun and shade crept up to meet.

"I know, we'll be too busy worrying about college and graduation by this time", she said. "You know", she then looked at me. "I never really thought how fast my high school life is coming to an end, I always thought these days would last forever, selfishly, I always wish they did", she gave me small sad smile. "How about you?".

"Never really gave much thought into it", I replied. "Its not like I lived a very rose-colored high school life up until now, so, no, I haven't much worried about it ending".

The mood became somber immediately after, she seemed quieter after my answer, not wondering of my answer more of realizing that I wasn't sharing her sentimentality over it. I felt slightly frustrated, more for myself, knowing my pessimistic nature wasn't going to let me go anywhere nor would make her feel better.

"But, I won't lie and say I don't wish days like these would last forever", I said as I too began to look out to the sky, lazily following my gaze with a passing plane overhead.

She smiled at my answer, really smiled, one that would reach her cheeks and made her eyes crinkle in delight. Somehow, I chalked that up as a victory. That's when the bell rang, indicating the end of our lunch break, I was sort of disappointed really, having grown to enjoy our little moments of talking and I think she did too when heard her groan.

"Guess we should start heading off to class", I suggested, watching her as she got up and dusted herself off.

"Guess we should", she replied before heading towards the door.

It was a shared agreement between both of us, so that we can stave off people's curiosity and stop the spread of any unwanted rumors. For me, I could care less about some baseless rumors but I'd rather not have her be dragged down with me. Besides, the less we are seen together the less people begin to wonder the nature of out relationship.

But what was our relationship? We were nowhere near friends and somehow passed the line of acquaintances, maybe halfway friends? Yeah, I liked that a lot better really, halfway friends.

"Thanks for talking to me", she said. "And I apologize for making you my personal therapist".

I shrugged, uncaring as I usually do, "I don't mind really".

"I see", she said. "Well, it's just nice to have someone to talk to".

And there the question lingered, it never really bothered me as much as I thought, but it did often gnaw any time I would spend my time with her and so I bolted up just as she opened the door.

"Why do you want to talk to me?".

She stopped by the door frame, a hand on the door and her gaze seemingly down the stairwell. I swallowed, now feeling bad that I had even brought up the subject in the first place but then she turned to face me, no etched hesitation on her face, no doubt and no lingering thoughts.

"Its because you're the only I want seeing the real me"

With that she closed the door and I listened as her steps bounded the stairs before completely disappearing. I swallowed thickly, willing my beating heart to stop hammering against my chest and let out a small chuckle at her words. A minute or so passed by before I decided to head down myself.

Hands shoved in my pocket I walked down the hall and towards my classroom, but I couldn't help but spare a glance at her opened classroom door. She was talking to her friends, this time I could sense no hint of a mask she had almost always slipped on, this was the "real" her, at least some version of it and I smiled to myself seeing now how much she valued the people she was with.

Still, I couldn't rid of her worries, the burden of everything that was expected of her, her anxieties of an unsure tomorrow and her longingness of having these rose-colored high school days last for the rest of our lives and I wonder if there was ever going to be a way to help her through it all.

Our gazes met momentarily and she gave me a smile, a real genuine honest smile, one that told me everything was going to be alright.

_End._


End file.
